Brain mapping in a case of multiple personality

Brain mapping in a case of multiple personality.
 Hughes JR, Kuhlman DT, Fichtner CG, Gruenfeld MJ.
 Department of Neurology, University of Illinois, Chicago 60612.
 Brain maps were recorded on a patient with a multiple personality disorder (10 alternate personalities). Maps were recorded with eyes open and eyes closed during 2 different sessions, 2 months apart. Maps from each alternate personality were compared to those of the basic personality "S", some maps were similar and some were different, especially with eyes open. Findings that were replicated in the second session showed differences from 4 personalities, especially in theta and beta 2 frequencies on the left temporal and right posterior regions. A rank ordering of the differences in the brain maps of the alternate personalities from S were similar to the rank ordering of the differences in personality characteristics, as judged by the psychiatrist dealing with this patient. Maps from S acting like some of her personalities or from a professional actress portraying the different personalities did not reveal significant differences. Some of these findings are consistent with those in the literature, and the importance of detecting artifact in the raw EEG recording is emphasized.
 Publication Types:
Case Reports
From the BBC's "Tomorrow's World" WEDNESDAY 15th December 1999
For the first time, a patient with multiple personality disorder has been monitored using an MRI scanner while switching characters. The scans showed marked changes taking place in her brain. Intriguingly the hippocampus, an area associated with long-term memory, switches off during the change to an alter ego and is reactivated on the switch back.
Multiple personality disorder (MPD) is a controversial area of mental health. It has been met with scepticism from some psychiatrists who feel the condition isn't genuine. Others say that while it's very rare, MPD is certainly real and usually stems from childhood trauma and abuse. They say the extra personalities are brought into being by the patient to protect themselves from the reality of their situation.
Carrying out tests like this has been difficult for two reasons. First, functional MRI's which can measure brain activity are only a recent innovation, and second finding a patient who can switch personality on demand while in a scanner is very unusual. The psychiatrists involved in the experiment say more work is needed to draw any general conclusions. Nevertheless, it provides some evidence that there may be a physiological basis to the condition.
PMID: 2225470 [PubMed - indexed for MEDLINE]

Bad food day

Today was a bad food day. Went over my calories by at least 500. Sigh.  

Troy fell down part of the basement steps, onto the concrete floor. I had my head in the freezer so I didn't see it (can you say guilt?).  Face first, large lump. He threw his head back and wailed like i've never heard before. I was terrified. Left the freezer door open, ran with him upstairs.  Put ice on it, comforted him.......... Thought for a minute I would have to take him to the Er, but he didn't show any signs of concussion. It was a HUGE lump and a huge sound when he hit the ground. 

I was frazzled.  Then had trouble finding healthy food for lunch.  It is near grocery shopping day so there isn't much around health wise to eat.   I was frustrated (which lead to mac and  cheese for lunch ), then I ended up eating 3 ice cream sandwiches.  I just felt------ i dunno. Guilty, frustrated, annoyed, worried. I just wanted the feelings to go away, I was aware of them, I wanted to not be aware of them so I ate.

*note to self- isn't that the same reasoning when engaging in Si sometimes? As well as when we drank? 

15 fears about writing

I stole this from someone else -

1. it won't be good enough
2. i'm not good enough
3. nobody cares
4. i stink at grammar
5. i have nothing worthwhile to say
6. why would anyone want to read what I have to say
7. I only write about stuff that matters to me
8. people can't relate to what I write about
9. my writing reminds people of things they'd rather not think about
10. i don't have a college degree
11. writing isn't a worthwhile thing- something mother said
12. no time to write
13. editing.
14. it is disjointed
15. everything I say is chaotic, makes no sense


My mind is blank. So i will stop here.

Procrastination

I am so good at procrastination. It's always been that way. I realize now that it holds me down, weighs me down. Leaves me feeling badly about myself, about my abilities. If left long enough, I end up feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities- as I feel now.

I am choosing differently....

Instead of the usual routine- of cross-stitch during Troy's nap and computer-DID group while Troy is playing happily in the am, I am trying to work on To-Do list items.

Today at nap I put the floss into floss bags. Finally finished that up. What a monotonous chore. I am pleased it is done. I want to make some floss tags. I have to add to my list to find out how to make them. (stops and does that now).

Tonight I did some work in the computer journal and in the blog. I finally got all our collages in the journal, and moved 2 more months blogs from 2005's yahoo blog into the current blog. That is going to take some time, but no worries, a bit every day or so will get it done.

It feels good to have some stuff accomplished. Really good. Makes me feel worthwhile. Like I am not a failure.

***Note to self-- Does that mean not getting stuff done makes me feel a failure, and if so- why?

Very confused

Very confused about this integration/merge thing. Is that what we all want? No, only some do.

But names don't matter to most of us anymore. We are coming and going but don't feel the need to say who it is mostly. It is comfortable. Is that bad?? What exactly is that? And why do I need a label for it? Why not just let it be.


What is to come. Where will we end up. Only time will tell that. Only time.

Coughing

*I share this after some thought- THere is a reader who I know from childhood. No a good friend, So much she never knew, so much i never told her, never could,  and she knew mother.  And so there is worry, fear over sharing this.  

Honestly I'm not sure why I bothered with the 'fancy' coughing title. Not like this is a paper or anything. Just a free-write. I was on the massage table today. In the middle of the massage actually when I started coughing. I was embarrassed and mortified really. I did my best to hold it in, to not cough.  I promised that if the coughing quieted a bit, I would journal about coughing tonight. So here I am. 

In therapy last week at the very end of the session- Carolyn heard me coughing and remarked that that kind of cough is often called a 'smothered' cough. Or maybe it was smothering. Anyways she emphasized the 'mother' part of the word. That has been on my mind since then.   Yes the mother is smothering always has been. Not sure we realized it for a long time, in fact I'm sure we didn't. 

Aunt becky that one summer we spent those 2 weeks with her- tried to talk to us about the mother, how she shouldn't tell us about the divorce and all of that. We defended the mother.  Heatedly defended her.   Why did we do that??  Why defend her? Why didn't we realize it? 

For sure her smothering is part why we moved to ohio.  To get away. It is harder to be smothered so many miles away. Not impossible but harder. Easier I suppose for us to battle it, to not let it happen. But still it is hard for some. Is the mother getting more smothering? Or are some/we feeling more smothered by her now that we talk to her every week??? Something to ponder.

Coughing- what does that word mean to us? What comes to mind-- how about a list-

Calling attention to oneself
Center of attention
Look at me
Deal with me
See me
Hear me
Acknowledge me
Lungs
Breathing
Breath
Smothered
Can't breath
Get rid of
Expell
Phlem
Slimy
Gross
Triggering
Gag
Throw up
Sick in stomach
Raine
Bronchitis
Quarantine
Forever
Can't stop
Out of control
Beyond control
Embarrassing
Controlled
Faking
Liar
Attention seeker
Busy
Just stop

Strange- I'm getting some words- phrases coming to mind---- seems someone told us that coughing was a way for us to seek attention,that they were too busy to see the coughing, to deal with it.  That I/we should just stop it, could just stop it if we tried hard enough

I think this cough- aside from being part of the cold- is something seeking attention. Seeking our attention, our acknowledgement.  Is that it??? What was just written above?? How could someone fake a cough?? That is obvious. Sounds nothing like a real cough and WHY why would someone do that??? 

Something was just there in my head and left just as quickly

Hot- that is what just popped in my head

When I cough, I get hot. The more I cough the harder I get and the more in turn I cough.  I think there is something in that,just not sure what.

hard work

Another hard therapy session today.  Third week in a row we have talked about memories. We are proud of ourselves. We are also emotionally exhausted.
Sierra