slightly overwhelmed

Feeling slightly overwhelmed. Nathan was always our rock. Our help and savior and just so awesome when we couldn't function. But it was like we got 'healthy' and began to move beyond and he got angry. we ended the T session today with that, so gonna think about it, see if there is a connection or just a coincidence.

Carolyn says N can't be the martyr, the hero if we aren't 'sick' that we threaten him by being 'well'. Honestly that just saddens us. Makes us cry and cry. What he doesn't get is that we got well for him, to be a wife and a mother, to not be the disaster we were, not for us, but for him. Oh in the end it was for us, but we began it for him and did it for him for a long time.

It is like a slap in the face. Suddenly he is a full time asshole and we are like wtf. What happened. He's always had a temper, been quick to anger, but now it is just ridicullous. It is all the time, and that is the issue. ALL... THE.... TIME

We wrote that we feel stuck and in a way we do but moreso we just aren't ready to think of anything else. Not ready to give up on the relationship. And yet also not wanting to do all the work. It is not my issue, i want him to work on it.

We stopped taking our meds. (except our ambien) I think we need to take it again. We are safe but having SU thoughts. Feeling very sad and lumpy in the throat, leaking.

We made up our minds and we are going to share our story. We need to see it, to share it, to speak it. Not sure if there is still a place here to do that, but if not will will put it on our blogs. (which you can find links to somewhere on this board or by pm us. )

Missing Mallow in this moment. He would always cuddle me when i was sad or upset.

I have many blogs. Want to just have one, would be so much easier, This one here and blogger and multiply. Oy. What a pain. This one seems the one that gets left aside, forgotten about. Not by design jsut happens. Still working on getting them all copied when I post to one.

AC

AC

Our AC went out on Saturday night. Thankfully it was Troy's night at Kims, so he didn't have to suffer. It was unbearably hot and humid all night and miserable!

We have a home warranty so N called them, since we have an infant we qualify as an emergency. They were to send someone out sunday, the guy they called however didn't show up 'til sunday evening. Then he failed too call the home warranty people until Monday night to give them the report. He basically called us liars, saying there is no way the AC could have been working at all. Because of that the home warranty people denied our claim. N talked to the dispute deptarment who sent out another person for a second opinion, basically said the same thing. I'm telling you the fucking AC worked, why would we lie about that???!!!!!

As it stands now, N has to call the home warranty people, I can't recall why. He talked to the mother tonight, can't recall why he did that either. He is finding out how much an AC will cost too, not sure why as we don't have that much money to buy a new one.........

Meanwhile. It is so hot in here and there is NO air flow. Sunday it was so bad we stayed at Kims, and spent monday there too. Came home last night. It is to be cooler this week which is nice and we have some fans and found the screen for the front door so that helps and there is a bit of air flow. We do have a floor portable AC we have in the bedroom for night, and we are lucky to have that. Troy is miserable, he so hates to be hot, makes him so grumpy, which has us so stressed out!

So that is what has been going on here!

We feel so stupid as when we get upset we can't remember anything and it makes us feel stupid. The wonderfulness of dissociation at work!! And we have stress/upset bumps all over that are itchy, that we get when we feel really upset/stressed.

So we plan to just try to calm down some tonight.